At first I wasn't going to say much.
But what's the point of having an anonymous website if you censor yourself?
I was a little too frightened by the 'under 18 do not enter' sign at the Accujack site. So I cannot verify beyond a shadow of a doubt. Twisty says 'ew' but I say 'WOW!' It was only a matter of time. And God, I totally want to high five the guy who named it the 'Accujack.' I just love the intimations of efficiency. Is there an inaccurate way to jack? Faultyjack? Without an accujack do you jack in a slapjack way, Jack?
I knew that someday some genius would come up with something like this. Anyone who read Henry Miller or Phillip Roth knows there was a potentially huge market.
It is sad that when I was a teenager and wanted to figure out what life was all about, I turned to these masterpieces of male supremacy written by Updike, Bellow, Roth and Miller. I'm 89% sure I read everything written by each of these fellas by the year 1992. And then people wondered why I never wanted to date men in college. Later, I turned to sitcoms to understand how life worked and now I can say I'm happily married.
It's a little worrying to know that the accujack is implicated in so many accidents. I do think they might want to post a warning label--the copy on that one would be obvious. Maybe it already HAS a warning label. I realize there are many reasons to masturbate but one, I have been assured of by many males, is simply hygenic. "Cleans out the pipes." That does kinda make you go 'ew.' And yet, it makes you wonder where the Accujack has been all these years. Oh, God, I actually want to know the story...who invented it? When you invent something how hard is it to execute and get into production? Was it
hard difficult to get investors? Do the factories exploit the workers?
Is it sad to be the Accujack billionaire, unable to tell anyone how you made all your money?
OK, Twisty's right. Ew. Wankers for Bob.