Instructions for Responding to Mommyblogpost

See mommyblogpost, below.

OK, hoards of people are supposed to say: Oh my God, they are bad. YOU ARE GOOD.

Then a few people are supposed to say: I'm sorry, you don't want to hear this but...and then snidely explain why I suck and am deluded and so forth.

Then other people are supposed to link to my blog and say what a bad, bad person I am.

Except that will not work here because 90% of the 2 people who read this blog are not parents.

Also, I want to know the real truth. Sweartagod, I actually like people to critique me. It's an academic thing. You wouldn't understand. (Also, I'm lying. Academics can never handle person criticism.)*

But how will I learn if no one tells me when I'm full of shit?  The problem is that the people who give you advice and critique you have to be wise and so forth. That's hard to come by. But here's the thing: Only WISE PEOPLE READ MY BLOG. Strange but true!

So: AM I WEIRD? Am I actually, truly a bad mother? Am I being paranoid? Are they going to take my kid away for putting candy in her underwear?

Also: How bad is it to co-sleep with a five year old?

Internet answer: Totally fine. Indians (from India) co-sleep with their kids until college.

But who knows, maybe crazy hippies wrote that.

Also, how do I get my kid to sleep on her own?

My kid is not secure, in a sense because she is intensely bonded with her parents and wants to be around us all the time. She kind of desperately needs constant interaction with us. But she is secure in a sense that adapts well to new situations. Like, she's usually fine with school and leaving us and stuff. It's just she clings to us like a little monkey when she sees us at the end of the day. Not all five year olds do that. It might not be insecurity. She's not upset. She's just like mommymommymommymommy. That's what I'm saying...It's how you read certain situations.

OK, I guess this is bad: She doesn't want to grow up. And she sometimes talks baby talk. Saying: "Hey, you are a big kid..." carries no water for her. It might be her fear of death though.

Oh God, she's weird. Shit. And I'm a horrible parent, right?

*Please don't get mad at me for writing this, mommybloggers. I swear I am just kidding.

Comments

[Lynn]

Hee hee...guess I better follow the instructions, then :).

It doesn't sound to me like your daughter is strange or weird. Our five year old girl is also quite clingy still. We don't co-sleep (but oh boy, she would love it if we would), but she still loves to be close to us and runs to me at the end of school. I think that's normal.

As for the candy thing, I think that whole story was pretty funny. Hope it's okay I didn't take it too seriously! Five year olds are nutty people. She'll grow up fine and totally embarrassed every time you tell this story at Christmas dinners :).

[DoctorMama]

Wait a sec -- I already answered correctly, didn't I?

Or was I supposed to be the one who said you were deluded?

I hang out with a lot of Indians (from India). It's true, they don't get the thing about kids having to sleep on their own at all. (One is 34 and still gets in bed with her parents when she has a nervous breakdown. An extreme example, but really she's a very cool person.)

[ozma]

Lynn: Of course you can't take it seriously. It is completely absurd.

Ha ha Dr. Mama. Yes! You are supposed to be the one to criticize me. (No, just say what you TRULY FEEL.)

[magpie]

She likes you. Your kid likes you. Isn't that a good thing?

[ESmith]

OK, I've been reading you for awhile and have never dared post but you kind of did ask for advice and I have a 5 year old son plus we co-slept as well so I couldn't resist jumping in. I think you're daughter is normal too. My son sometimes wants to be "babied" still as well and I've talked to other moms of 5-year olds who say the same. Half the time they're "all grown up" and the other, they want you to tie their shoes and pour their milk. We stopped co-sleeping when my son was almost 4 and it went well because we did it very gradually. We put a mattress on the floor of his room and at first we'd stay beside him until he fell asleep and then little by little we started leaving before he was fully asleep and now we just read him a story, give a hug and kiss and leave. The whole process probably took a few weeks (months?). You just have to make sure it's not brutal and highlight the positive side of their being "big" now and having their own bed/room. (The mattress on the floor was just to avoid him rolling off the bed at first--so that doesn't apply to your daughter since she's older). Anyway, that was just in response to your question about how to get your daughter to sleep on her own. Not because I think you Shouldn't be sleeping with her still if you want. I missed my son at first and I know he still misses sleeping with us because he mentions it from time to time. I live in France and most people don't cosleep and think it's bad. To be honest, it wasn't a planned decision on our part but something we stumbled upon and ended up loving. I've talked about it with someone I work with who is Japanese and they all cosleep for a long time as well and think it is very natural and even unnatural Not to sleep with young children. Sorry this is so long. I'm worried now that those were rhetorical questions and I'm making a fool of myself. I'll go back to silent lurking now...

[ozma]

Magpie--Yes, it is GREAT! First I was working 60 or more hours a week and there was this complex dance when I would pick her up at school where she would kind of ignore me at first. Was it resentment for my long absences? I would be gone some weekends. Sometimes we would have conflicts about little things at school--like her taking her shoes off right before we left--so it was a bit like she didn't like me! (But by the time we got home we were all snuggly and best pals again.) Now, her papa is the one who is so busy and I'm the one who is always there and I've noticed this never happens. She runs into my arms. Kids are so complex.

ESmith: Hell no, I'm totally asking for advice! That's good advice. I haven't done this part of mommyblogging before but now I'm seeing why people do it...it really is reaching out to other parents. On some of these blogs there are sometimes unspoken rules like--don't give advice, don't criticize me, etc? Depends on the post/blog. Maybe I'm imagining that? But honestly, random advice from people has never bothered me.

Anyway, THANK YOU. I think this is going to have to be the method we try.