Oh, you

Now I'm stuck blogging forever because all my posse just wrote comments on my last post. I'm quite discriminating. But when I like you, I like you. And I like you people who wrote those comments. Too much, maybe. Although I can't quite figure out how you knew I updated. Some kind of mysterious internet thing with the live feeds and so on? Psychic powers?

So yesterday I shared a cupcake with my daughter BEFORE DINNER that was almost as big as her head. If everything that is wrong with America can be fit into a cupcake, then it was embodied in this cupcake.

Also, maybe everything that is right with America. No, make that: Everything that is seductive about America. The sparkling aisles of Whole Foods, which I used to avoid and was trying to boycott. The abundance, oh my God, the abundance. How did they get us back, Whole Foods? My husband wanted steak for his birthday dinner and this is the closest grocery store and they have good meat. When my daughter and I went there to buy said steak they had FREE SAMPLES OF CAKE. 

This was several weeks ago. But on certain evenings, when my heart is full of dark thoughts, I hear Whole Foods calling me with its free samples.

God, it's nice to have a cute five year old when there are free samples of things and you want to return to the free samples. "OK, honey, this is the last one!"  I'm not sure they buy that with the feta-olive tapenade. There, I wait until the cheese guy is not looking. I'm thinking of bringing a change of clothes and a wig so he won't recognize me next time.

I almost want to say something like "It's her birthday tomorrow." BUT I DON' T HAVE TO BECAUSE SHE IS SO CUTE. They just smile indulgently.

Unfortunately, there was no cake last night, when I succumbed to the call of Whole Foods. (In my defense, it is RIGHT THERE when I get off the freeway. I have to drive RIGHT BY IT AND NOT STOP. Sometimes I just don't have the strength.) There were only free bread samples. Which we ate an enormous amount of but it simply did not quell our existential angst the way the free cake samples do. So what could I do, I ask you? I had to buy that cupcake. And this was an amazing cupcake. It pulsated with a kind of decadence that told me that the good times are over, human prosperity is on the verge of decline. So eat me! It was like something made by the bakers in the kitchen of  Napoleon III. A pink Zinnia shaped out of a literal pound of frosting teetering over fluffy vanilla goodness.

A health-destroying $3.99 for something that historically would have only been available to emperors. It's the greatest bargain of Whole Foods. We live like kings, you realize?

Anyway, I was two things: A really nice mommy and a really bad mommy. I'm sometimes too much those two things.

I need to sleep more. It affects my judgment. Two hours of sleep a night is not conducive to good decision making on cupcake/child issues. Or a variety of things.

Comments

[magpie]

Whole Foods has astonishingly good cakes. We get them for office birthday parties.

The internet is magic. Magic, I tell you.

[kerewin]

I haven't ever been good with those news feed things and so the way I can tell if people update is this: I have all the blogs I read bookmarked and I open all bookmarks and give a look at each one. Old school, I know.

Whole Foods really does have amazing pastries. Really good. I will have to consider the stalking of the sample box from now on!