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September 2011

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grudge girl

God, finally I have a second to breathe and to read. I kept stopping over here, and realizing I could not just breeze through it, and putting it off until I could relish.

And I am relishing. You are almost violently present in your writing. I am not allowed to skim. I like it.

I'm not sure what it was, exactly, that made me finish. Probably a combination of my husband yelling at me, and the realization that this is money that is NECESSARY, and the fact that I would be majorly screwing over other people whom I like if I quit, and letting it get down to the absoLUTE last possible second, in which I can often work maniacally but effectively, almost killing myself in the process.

There was no internal "you can do it - just do it" at all. It was totally the result of outside pressure.

This does not bode particularly well for future endeavors. I don't enjoy feeling desolate and ready to pull my eyeballs out with tweezers, if only it will make the fear go away and the sleep come.

What, may I ask, do you do? Other than write in an extremely kick-ass manner.


Oh, hi. I didn't see this. I am an academic. A teacher. I'm so glad you didn't go insane. I wonder if I can get my husband to yell at me...Nah,, that would never work!

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