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September 2011

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I feel emasculated since stopping swearing in front of the kid. And the only reason I don't is so that he won't be That Kid at daycare/kindergarten.

If you want a shallow reason not to smoke, you will stay looking hot for a lot longer if you don't smoke.


I started smoking again, and I'm embarrassed by how blissful charring my lungs can feel. I need to quit again. Just not yet.

I worked at a theatre day camp one summer, for children ages 7-11 (a great age group-- old enough to be interesting to talk to, young enough not to worry about being cool.) I had to find substitutions for swear words quick if I didn't want to deal with angry parents. But it took freaking forever to rid the word "Gosh" from my vocabulary when summer was over.

grudge girl

You cannot resolve to not eat raw cookie dough. That's just sad. It's such a pleasure! Why deny yourself?!

Also, I started "Holiday Smoking" while back on the job at the theatre (Everyone's doing it! Join us!) And now I seem to be hooked again, even though I quit when pregnant with Charlotte, and was able to hold out even after spending a couple nights a year out at a pub, and socially smoking. Damn theatres! I know the love, man.



I hate that look you get when with a bunch of friends and their kids and you whip out something really vulgar and funny. First, you sorta want to shrivel up from the look and second, you worry about what the kids repeat. Ouch!


There's something to be said for the dewy, youthful glow of the non-smoker but in my deranged cigarette craving mind everything gets all turned around and leathery skin becomes cool in some way.

I do try that 'skin' one on my sister, though. Her smoking, my mother's smoking, both drive me nuts. I freak out for them but not myself.

If I start it will be years before I quit (maybe 50), so I suppose I should be grateful for how the uptight people deter me with their social disapproval. Hate them as much as I do, maybe I will yet see my grandchildren.

In my mind, Egypt is the kind of place where smoking is still OK, and will be for many years. I think health consciousness is bound to hit France and Japan soon but there's still hope for Korea. North Korea! I'll bet you can smoke up a storm there.

I applied to the American University in Cairo and the University in Beirut and almost got an interview at the U of B but I got another job first. I've heard the Lebanese are major smokers--they've had bigger fish to fry.

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