At first I wasn't going to say much.
But what's the point of having an anonymous website if you censor yourself?
Twisty on why blogging is sometimes worthwhile...
I was a little too frightened by the 'under 18 do not enter' sign at the Accujack site. So I cannot verify beyond a shadow of a doubt. Twisty says 'ew' but I say 'WOW!' It was only a matter of time. And God, I totally want to high five the guy who named it the 'Accujack.' I just love the intimations of efficiency. Is there an inaccurate way to jack? Faultyjack? Without an accujack do you jack in a slapjack way, Jack?
I knew that someday some genius would come up with something like this. Anyone who read Henry Miller or Phillip Roth knows there was a potentially huge market.
It is sad that when I was a teenager and wanted to figure out what life was all about, I turned to these masterpieces of male supremacy written by Updike, Bellow, Roth and Miller. I'm 89% sure I read everything written by each of these fellas by the year 1992. And then people wondered why I never wanted to date men in college. Later, I turned to sitcoms to understand how life worked and now I can say I'm happily married.
It's a little worrying to know that the accujack is implicated in so many accidents. I do think they might want to post a warning label--the copy on that one would be obvious. Maybe it already HAS a warning label. I realize there are many reasons to masturbate but one, I have been assured of by many males, is simply hygenic. "Cleans out the pipes." That does kinda make you go 'ew.' And yet, it makes you wonder where the Accujack has been all these years. Oh, God, I actually want to know the story...who invented it? When you invent something how hard is it to execute and get into production? Was it hard difficult to get investors? Do the factories exploit the workers?
Is it sad to be the Accujack billionaire, unable to tell anyone how you made all your money?
OK, Twisty's right. Ew. Wankers for Bob.
Those Accujacks have been around for over 30 years at least! I remember seeing them advertised in the men's magazines back in the 1970's. No I never owned one of the goddamn things! I really wonder about those stories about guys being in car crashes with them too...sounds like an urban myth to me...but I could be wrong!
Posted by: Mike | January 12, 2006 at 08:04 AM
The death in the car thing IS an urban sex-myth. It's amazing that ANYTHING is a myth, given what people are willing to go through for their kicks. (If you type in the name.com, you do get to a site that sells a most certainly NOT car-adaptable machine ... and it costs more than a good breast pump!)
I can't get past the "ew" response about guys wanking off in some places either ... for instance, while on call at the hospital. Just.Seems.Wrong. Not wrong as in morally wrong, wrong as in how could you ever get in the mood for THAT, HERE? Therein lies the difference between men and women, perhaps. Or maybe I should watch more sitcoms? too funny.
Posted by: DoctorMama | January 12, 2006 at 11:28 AM
1. Men DO whack in the car all the time.
2. It's not about mood if you're male. It's about your sex drive.
Posted by: bc | January 13, 2006 at 11:38 AM
YES, BUT I BELIEVE THAT I AM THE ONLY ONE THAT HAD THE ORIGINAL PLANS
ACCU-JACK SOLD OUT AND BECAME VENUS 2000, THEY ARE ALL OVER THE INTERNST BUT COST $500. PLUS
CHECK OUT FLESHLIGHT AND HOW TO MAKE ONE, NO WHERE AS GOOD BUT BETTER THEN A PUNCH IN THE EYE WITH A SHARP STICK,
0CT-4,2010
Posted by: KEVIN MENARD | October 04, 2010 at 11:12 AM
Fear not that thy life shall come to an end, but rather fear that it shall never have a beginning.
Posted by: Air Jordan shoes | November 02, 2010 at 01:03 AM
Hahahaha... Acujack. Brilliant!
Posted by: Best Breast Pump Reviews | August 16, 2011 at 02:17 AM