Maybe I'll take a little break from my usual conversation stopping choice of topics (I mean, you'd think death would prompt all sortsa commenting given its universality and looming inevitability. But, no.) Instead I would like to talk about an issue near and dear to my heart: The evils of capitalism.
All of this prompted by some thoughts of Nancy at Mom, Ma'am, Me.
Oh, there are so many Es of C that I can't go in to them all. Yet, I must confess that when I'm not hating capitalism for grinding the life force out of so many, I'm also thinking of get-rich-quick schemes. Capitalism exerts an irresistible pull on my imagination and while I'm totally 100% going to have a certain type of agrarian artisanal socialism (We won't have those plain little Mao jackets--we'll decorate our jackets with groovy iron ons and embroidery! Cute little cottages! Only 2 hours at the factory a day!) in my utopia, I also subscribe to about 4 different kinds of business mags. Do I have a business? No. Do I know anything about business? Nuh-uh. Does the very word 'business' terrify me with its cubicle-office-enforced grooming code associations? (Cubicles terrify me but the idea I might be required to brush my hair regularly is also unnerving.) Damn right. But why DO I subscribe to Fortune and Fast Company and other magazines of that nature besides the fact that I am so horrendously addicted to magazines that Publisher's Clearing House says I'm not just special but I'm super special?
It's the get rich quick schemes. I love to invent them. I love to think about how I could become the next Howard Schultz. In spite of the fact that I can barely add and subtract, I often like to imagine myself as a corporate mogul. I am dreaming of becoming a billionaire even while I sit and prepare classes on Marxism and write papers on how we should make everyone share all their money equally and other crap like that.
So this brings me to microwave popcorn. I have a plan to become a billionaire off microwave popcorn. And now I am telling you this plan. Which means we can all be billionaires! Actually, it's less of a plan and more of a secret. Did you know that microwave popcorn is just regular popcorn and if you put popcorn in a paper bag (a lunch bag; a grocery bag might be kind of big) you can pop it in the microwave and it comes out just like microwave popcorn. (Actually, it IS microwave popcorn. It is socially constructed as microwave popcorn, but its true essence is not of the microwave.)
And did you know that this will cost you about 8 cents if you buy your popcorn in bulk? And a box of microwave popcorn costs $4.99 or some shit like that--with four bags of popcorn. Do you see where I"m going here? The margin on that shit is huge. It's huger than cocaine, practically. And then if you melt regular butter on it, it is delicious and has no trans fats. In fact, I suggest you pop your own popcorn in an actual pan. Anyway, go ahead and steal this idea because there's a major supply problem and so it really is just like cocaine.
In other words, here is a sample of the evils of capitalism. Try getting regular un-micorwave popcorn at the store. It is being phased out. The evil capitalists are now forcing you to eat the horribly inedible salty fatty microwave popcorn just as they took away your ability to weave and sew and grow and cook your own food. The microwave popcorn people have taken over and the delicious make-your-own popcorn is only available (and who knows for how long, people?!) at the hippie stores in bulk.
I exagerrate. You can get some hideously overpriced regular popcorn sometimes in these tiny Orville Redenbacher jars. But not in every store. And not for long. It is to weep. Where has all the popcorn gone? Long time passing.
I love popping corn in a deep saucepan on the stove. It's fun-- a hell of a lot more interactive than pushing a button and waiting around to see if you smell burning. And the popcorn is, well, it's like the difference between the tomato that comes in a MacDonalds salad with one fresh from the vine and still warm from the sun. AND, microwave popcorn is too freaking expensive, and sometimes I don't want to make such a big serving at once, but they've determined your portion size already. It's wasteful.
They're trying to make us all fat and placid.
Wow. I guess I have strong feelings about popcorn.
Posted by: roo | October 01, 2006 at 04:43 PM
My deep and profound love of popcorn is too long a tale to go into here-- but DAMN they are trying to take popcorn off the market because people have figured out the sham that is microwave popcorn???
It's the small things that break me-- gah.
Posted by: Elizabeth | October 01, 2006 at 07:04 PM
Thank you for exposing the evils of microwave popcorn. I never realized that the microwave popcorn phenomenon is so closely tied to capitalism. That only reinforces my thoughts that microwave popcorn is truly a terrible, terrible thing. And when the end of the world comes, I will know what to blame. PopSecret, I have your number.
Posted by: Nancy | October 02, 2006 at 05:12 PM
I'm sure you can transcend the primeval horde if you put you mind, heart and soul into it.
Posted by: Jennifer Cascadia Emphatic | October 03, 2006 at 08:19 PM
It lightens my heart to know that others understand the violation of the soul of popcorn that is microwave popcorn in its current evil form.
It doesn't have to be this way. We can fight for change.
Posted by: ozma | October 05, 2006 at 04:28 PM
Um, I love you. I've spent the entirety of my day at my crappy job (though at one of those hippie stores) thinking about how capitalism does exactly, suck the life force out of me. Dragging my feet, thinking I'm sick or something, but then when I go outside I realize I feel fine, I just hate the system, maaaaan. But seriously, I do. With a bleeding, fiery passion.
What to do, what to do. I guess I could write humorous essays about my weirdo thoughts and reclaim my right to grow my own damn food.
And laugh, of course. What a scream! Microwave popcorn! Ha ha!
Posted by: Julia Angelina | March 01, 2007 at 10:12 AM
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Posted by: amaryl | August 05, 2007 at 02:19 PM
Is another evil of capitalism the fact that you even have a stove? What a hypocrite.
Posted by: P | October 20, 2008 at 08:03 PM
^^^
idiot
Posted by: RedGuard | February 16, 2009 at 05:27 AM
Capitalism is over. We entered Imperialism long ago. It started after Ronald Regan ended his presidency.
United States and his allies are the largest imperialist countries.
The last known era by historians and philosophers is Imperialism. There is no other era known after that. It does not mean that it will be the end of the world.
It is just plain history that repeats itself. There was always an empire. An empire grows up to a peak and then it collapses. The collapse can come from many reasons. Most of the big empires collapsed due to corruption and greed.
Let’s look back in to history. Roman Empire collapsed due to corruption. Russian empire collapsed due to the Red Revolution. French Empire collapsed due to Napoleons greed to concur the Russians. And so on the world will turn around and another empire will rise.
The nations of the world take turns. Great Brittan, Germany, Russia, Spain, Italy, Iraq, China, Japan were all empires. All of them turned in to small and very civilized countries.
Alexandra Macedon concord the world. Now Macedonia is a small country.
In other words they shrank and turned civilized. Now it is the turn of the USA.
USA is rising and rising until a peak point. Then it will collapse and another country will take over to lead the world. The universe is in constant creation and destruction.
How long USA will lead? I don’t know. Corruption and greed in the government and private sector is very high in the USA. If it can not be controlled the USA will collapse. The collapse can come from many directions and it can not be avoided.
It is just plain repeating history. Every nation has its chance to rule the world.
Anthony
Posted by: Anthony | September 08, 2009 at 10:49 PM
Capitalism is evil because the person who registered the domain name capitalismisevil.com before Michael Moore did wants to sell it for 1 million dollars. Now that's evil.
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Posted by: intavanny | January 13, 2010 at 07:26 AM
Informative, but not convincing. Something is missing, and what do not understand. But I will say straight out:, bright and benevolent thoughts.
http://ancestroszacapanecos.com/foro/index.php/topic,19182.new.html#new
Posted by: rodoallorma | March 21, 2010 at 04:16 AM
I would have to confess: I am among those who are participating in the demise of non-microwave popcorn. I do so by not buying it--an a smaller demand makes it less profitable, which in turn discourages people from buying it.
But there's hope: I don't really buy microwave popcorn as well! In part, because my daughter has allergies to milk, but also in part, because I don't eat that much popcorn in general. Thus, I'm working on the demise of microwave popcorn, too.
Posted by: Alpheus | April 14, 2010 at 09:10 AM
Capatalism is evil because it is based upon exploitation,coersion and the destruction of nature,meaning therefore the destruction also of natural rights.The natural right of individual susistance via the natural commons has been replaced with what is essentialy the conditional privalidge of survival.It was not that long ago that the accsess to the common means of survival,ie land,water,food,''fom the land''air,sunshine et,was a right possessed by all humans.Today thanks to capatalism,the average person must in essence ''earn''his or her accsess to every natural means of survival,except the air and sunshine ! If the capatalist find a way to commodify those two natural commons,the common people will then find themselves earning even the right to breath and benifit from the sunshine !This is why capatalism is evil !
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Fear not that thy life shall come to an end, but rather fear that it shall never have a beginning.
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