Hey, I'm Sensitive

One time Mimi Smartypants wrote with some disgust about people who don't have TVs and this always makes me feel like such an idiot when I mention I don't have a TV but sometimes this fact explains some things.

Also, I am an idiot so what the hell.

I did have a black and white TV that was very old and got the floaty channels--you know, those ones that get the magic signals that fly through the air? Then it broke. It's kind of sad. The first time I ever turned it on, you know what was playing? Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special. It was like the Twilight Zone: An old TV that plays shows from the past. For a couple minutes, anyway. It reminded me of the thrill of TV, except that it took about an hour to turn on and then another hour to make the channel work after fiddling with the knobs.

But it's so sad that it stopped working (It started making this huge terrifying sound like crkkslkjlk;jhaskkkkk, kkkkkrjjjjarkkkkkddd) because it was the only TV I could own. I can only own a TV where I have to be really, really motivated to watch TV and that only gets one channel. Otherwise, I will watch TV all the time. Literally, if the TV is on it becomes difficult for me to get up even to pee. That TV was perfect! 

The problem is that any TV I could ever get it to replace would work well and that would cause insurmountable problems.I would have to get some kind of port-o-potty for the living room and receive food intravenously, etc. And lose my job.

Now because I've lost all my TV antibodies I have this problem where whenever I watch television I am even more terrifyingly riveted than I was before. Also, whatever I watch seems really, really important and I think about it for weeks afterward. And then no one wants to talk about it because they all have TVs and they watched something else last night or what have you and they don't want to talk about that show that was on last week.

What am I talking about?

I'm talking about THE BACHELOR  THHHEEE BAAAACCCCHHHHEEEEELOOOOOOR.

Oh God, WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

First, why does the gym have all these TVs? And why was this show on? And why did I watch this show?

Oh, and why is there close caption so that I knew what they were saying?

OK, maybe I'm wrong but this is what I could understand from the final episode. There was this nice girl who was kind of dumb and then this girl who was not so nice but somewhat smarter. And the nice girl really loved the kind of weaseley icky bachelor. No, SHE REALLY LOVED HIM. So the weaseley guy...we are waiting and waiting and waiting, commercial after commercial. They keep saying, 'What you are about to see is so intimate or shocking....or something. That we can only show it intimately, i.e., on television in front of millions of people.' (This part was confusing.)

Also, there was a part where I realized that makeup can make you look much, much prettier and that, although I do wear makeup sometimes I should always wear it. And I should learn even more about how to wear it than I currently know because really, it could be so amazing. Eyeliner, especially. But doing something with brushes. I need to learn to do more with brushes.

Anyway dumbass weaseley guy cries some fake tears because he gave up the meaner/smarter girl for the dumber but much sweeter girl who really loved him. The nice girl is so happy. She is sooooooo happy. She is really, genuinely happy. I really think the mean girl was mostly unhappy from the blow to her ego. Also, is the guy rich? Because she honestly did not look like the kind of girl who would get so upset getting dumped by a guy who wasn't rich.

Actually, it was kind of funny. He kept emphasizing how he was in love with two women! And I was all, 'dude, bigamy is illegal.' And you totally know what he was thinking: Why can't I have them both? I hear he started with 25 women on the first show. I'll bet he was thinking: Why can't I have them both? Why can't I have them ALL?  Or maybe just four or five? Did he cry or talk about how he loved the ones he dumped on the other episodes?

Even if not, this is not a man who is yearning for monogamy. I must regretfully tell this to any of you who thought the whole thing was romantic.

(Why is romance never bigamous? I mean, theoretically, it is possible to love two people. Yet, somehow, if the person you loves also loves some other person, this kind of ruins the whole thing.)

I cannot blame him. I put myself in his shoes and truly, I cannot tell a lie: If I was in his shoes, I would maybe mildly wish that polyamory or harems or whatnot were a little more socially acceptable. Like, was it in his contract with the TV show that he could not propose that to these women.  "Maybe girls, have you ever thought...?"

I'm pretty sure that's why he cried, actually, when he lost his dream of having two. At least two.

There was some part that was shown where another girl shows up. A girl who is actually more beautiful than the other two girls currently in contention. She is truly stunning. I went and did something else in the gym and didn't watch that part.

THEN YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE THIS BUT THEY DO THIS RECAP WEEKS LATER AND DURING THE RECAP, HE DUMPS THAT SWEET GIRL HE ORIGINALLY PICKED. HE DUMPS HER ON NATIONAL TV. And she cries a little bit but I had to leave because they closed the gym.

I honestly had some nightmares about this show a couple of days later. First, I dreamed my husband wanted another girl to come in and for us all to be married. And I can't remember the dream but it was very upsetting. I was OK with the extra wife at first but then he was so much nicer to her! And he stopped being so nice to me!  I can't remember the other nightmare.

I think this show honestly hit me in the deep recesses of my mind. Some inner fear of rejection or competition with other women (which I was pathologically averse to in my younger, hotter days)--and not just loss but public humiliation, which I have also always been very afraid of (uh, I think that's normal).

God, not to mention my feminist horror at the whole 'single red rose' thing. Or at least I think it's feminist horror. What is it about the single red rose? It says something like: "We will now assume traditional gender roles." It's not just that it says "you will soon be doing my laundry" but that it says "your self-esteem will now be dependent upon my approval."

I think if I had more TV and watched reality shows regularly I would not have been so affected. God, they are going to have a reality show where some girl dies on the show. I honestly felt somewhat nauseated writing that. But now they have TV on the internet and when it comes to the internet, I'm so weak, as weak as I am about television. Worse even because I have to use the internet for my job.

Shit. There's no escaping it now.

Comments

[Lynn]

I don't watch The Bachelor but there was so much hoo-ha on the internet about it this week, I had to go and read up on what happened just so I could figure out what everyone was talking about.

It turns out the guy not only dumped the sweet/dumb girl, but then they brought back in the smart/mean girl, and he said that he couldn't stop thinking about *her* and would she give him another chance, and she said yes! Then they made out, this was about three minutes after he dumped the sweet/nice girl.

Classy.

And SO likely to last, don't you think?

[magpie]

You want bigamy? Watch Big Love!!!

I've never watched any of those "reality" shows.

[Yer hubby]

Are you saying that if I had given you a single red rose instead of a tastefully mixed bouquet while we were dating that you'd do the laundry?

[ozma]

No.

The question I'm sure everyone's asking is why YOU do the laundry. How did I manage it? What sort of gift or inducement did I use?

Unfortunately, that information is not suitable for a family website.

The laundry is the one thing that is always mentioned in discussions of the injustice of gender roles in the household so honey, don't you like striking a blow against stereotypes of men or sexism or whatever the case may be?

If you'd given me a single red rose I would have fled in horror--that's the point. In my own personal horror movie the single red rose is the calling card of the scary man, the kind of man who calls women 'ladies.' Or who likes Billy Joel.

[Deetta]

Wow everyone!! .!! Happy Thanksgiving!!!! :) :) :) :)
Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, and each yr I like to get into the mood-extend the holiday, when it were-by reading "Thanksgiving novels." Unsurprisingly, these stories are mostly about family, about coming together to heal old hurts and showing thanks for the gift of love. .. . ::
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