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September 2011

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Dr. Medusa

"On the other hand, both these people are damaged narcissists and there is probably nothing more fascinating than a narcissist."

Indeed. I think we are in many ways living the same life. I owe you an email. Soon!

schmutzie

I was growing increasingly tense while reading this, because I deal horribly with these sorts of situations. I bow down to your ability to take a step back.

ozma

Dr. Medusa--I'm so curious to know how things are going for you! My life is sheer hell right now. (The work part--which is pretty much everything at the moment.) I hope yours is better.

You know, I completely forgot, when reading your blog that I had actually dated a narcissist. That was my last foray into intimacy with a narcissist, though. The narcissists pop up into my daily life unbidden. I might have some kind of narcissist karma or else there are just a lot of them. I think there are a lot of wounded narcissists. Successful narcissists are a whole other kettle of fish, I'm sure you know.

I've already had TWO wounded narcissists mess with my career this year. So I guess I'll call 2009 The Year of the Narcissist.

All I can think is: Gawd, why can't someone soothe these people or heal their damage so they will just stop making trouble for me?

Schmutzie: I don't know how long it is going to last but I might actually be growing as a person! It's so bizarre. People still freak me the fuck out but it's like I am developing this new distance from crazy people. It's like they are further away now. They make me feel threatened, but that's all. They don't get me all up into a later myself. I admit these kind of people still terrify me somewhat. At some point I should write about this strange experience of experiencing other people's craziness with greater detachment. It's funny because the most profound personal things I discover are (a) probably boring for people to read (b) maybe obvious because I struggle with the most basic elements of life? and (c) hard to even describe.

Still, maybe there will be one or two people out there and they will relate, who knows?

tuckova

Having discovered that someone is a narcissist, I feel like (if possible) I am well shut of that person, because even if they think they've changed, you know they're going to come around all, "I've been examining my life lately, and I've realized that one thing about me is that sometimes I hurt people, and so I've decided that what I'm going to do..."

You're right that people change, but you're never going to not be curious, and those people are never going to get their heads unstuck from their asses. I'm sorry you're dealing with them, though I expect they're lucky to be dealing with someone as empathetically-minded as you.

ozma

Narcissism is incredibly hard to overcome. It's almost impossible. Of course, knowing this makes me more empathetic.

Believe me though, I avoid those people like the plague. And it's very hard not to hate them, although I usually succeed at that. The bigger struggle is not to want them to get their just deserts. But what are just deserts to the narcissist?

To just let go...peace of mind partly depends on accepting the threat that other humans pose, particularly those in the immediate vicinity.

That said, a few astounding cases of personal change I've witnessed have really made me reluctant to write people off entirely. It's more liberating--even when I want these kind of people to somehow receive some kind of divine justice--to actually channel whatever angst they cause me into some hope they actually change. Because that would solve the problem, too.

violetblake

Hi there. I managed to find your site via a search and was interested in this post. Hopefully you don't mind someone you don't even know commenting here.

I've dealt with narcissistic people and also manipulative people. Manipulative people intrigue me far more than narcissists. Narcissists are operating from a basic fear of ineptitude or incompetence, forever trying to convince themselves they are worthy of their over-compensating mental image. I pity those people more than find them horrifying. They are probably threatened by you or they wouldn't bother with you at all--you'd be as important as a vase or ficus, easy to ignore.

Since I am being presumptuous all over the place here, may I recommend a book that helped me? Maybe you won't value it, but it really opened my eyes. It's called "In Sheep's Clothing". Another fun read are the Power, Seduction, and War books by Robert Greene--they expose the various games people play and the reasons behind them, and even why they work. Great reads.

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