30 Non Consecutive Days of Truth: Redemption? Edition

So now I can possibly redeem myself by talking about something less horrible, which is

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

The Whole List of Truth Spilling You Would Do If You Wanted To Do 30 Days of Truth

This is a hard one. Should I be realistic or should I discuss something I hope to do in my life that I could very well not get around to doing?

This one gives me a chance to be positive. But can I do that? NO! Because I have to mention that I think life lists are often temptations to dreams of experiential consumptive excess. 

My own view is that the crucial pursuit in life is not subjective experience but what you accomplish. And the crucial things to accomplish are goals benefiting others, acts of love and such.  But Mastercard commercials have created an American populace whose life lists are merely about things they can do that they could charge to credit cards.

Of course I want to go to India. But that's not the point. 

The sad truth is that it dawned on me far too late that being successful and rich actually has many benefits and includes many things that I would like, like travel to exotic places.

But when I think of something I hope to do and I think of what is worth doing, I think accomplish something. 

And then I think about all the things I want to accomplish and doubt that I can do them.

One thing I don't doubt much is I can write a book in my field and get it published. It's just going to be REALLY freaking hard. The reason I don't doubt it much is that if I don't do this, my life will suck. Writing books on a somewhat regular basis when you are a college professor means not being a total, complete and utter failure. I'll probably waste a bunch of time and then start to see pathetic failure looming on the horizon and then write the book punctuated with much psychotic effort and desire to jump off a bridge.

I do hope to do this. I hope it won't involve a desire to jump off a bridge but I know myself too well for that.

However, this is a petty professional goal. What would I really like to do in my life?  I would like to do something unselfish and good and kind that made some kind of difference in other people's life. And it interests me how difficult this is and also how bad I am at it. 

Basically, for everything I want to do I seem to need terror to whip me into shape.

I'd also like to write children's books.

This wasn't positive.Sorry.

I have yet to redeem myself with positivity on the 30 days of truth.

 

Comments

[roo]

I bet you can write a book without jumping off a bridge. Just pretend you don't know anyone who might read it-- sort of like what you do here.

And I've been reading your writing for years, so I know you've got the chops.

[ozma]

Aw Roo you are sweet. The book I have to write is nothing like the stuff here. Thank goodness for fear of failure.

Having to do anything where I will be evaluated by others makes me profoundly depressed. But I've still got a few more years of insurance where I can get therapy. Of course, I've been working on this problem since 5th grade...but maybe in the next few years someone will fix me!